Hello. Please click. Did that work? My name is Jeff Blackburn, I work for Your Phoenix CW (I know, lucky!) and I’m an expert at finding weird news stories. My superiors thought it would be a good idea for me to do a video recapping my favorite weird news stories, despite the fact that I am unfunny, and not good at talking. This is the first (only? We’ll see.) episode. Also, I am not doing this under duress. My boss made me write this.
- Canadians can now challenge someone to a duel
The first story sees Canada clean up some of its archaic laws to allow residents to challenge someone to a duel. Even though Canada hasn’t seen a duel in 186 years and the parts of a duel that actually make a duel a duel are still illegal, it’s reassuring I can still demand satisfaction.
- Missing prosthetic ear mystery
Someone found a prosthetic ear at a beach in Florida. Spoiler alert: the ear is back with its forever home.
- Then, there’s the tornado of poop
- Man hits police cruiser while looking for episode of 90’s sitcom
A man is arrested after a search for nostalgia goes wrong.
- Democratic Presidential candidate comfort food
Finally, we reveal what the 2020 Democratic Presidential candidate’s comfort foods are. Come to see who said french fries, and what weirdos said iced tea, baked potatoes, and — literally — nothing. And by the time I hit publish on this thing, the guy who thinks Mocha is a comfort food might not even be in the race anymore.
And if you’re wondering what my comfort foods are, boy did you come to a place where I can have unlimited space to put dumb things. They include, but are (definitely) not limited to:
- Pizza (I’ll even put pineapple on it, feel free to @ me, I don’t care)
- In-N-Out Double-Double
- Chic-Fil-A Chicken Biscuit with the hashbrowns
- McDonalds Chicken McNuggets with BBQ sauce
- Peanut Butter M&Ms
- Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
- Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Ice Cream
- Panda Express Orange Chicken
I am a garbage person, I admit.